There had been too many years of us having a A Marriage In Trouble. Too many of me feeling unhappy, resentful, and disrespectful toward him. Just too many. So, when I started reading The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, it immediately resonated with me. I decided to be entirely sweet and not allow myself to respond to him negatively anymore. I aimed to “try” this approach for a few weeks and see how it went. After faking it during that time, I saw absolutely wonderful results – within myself AND with him! You can read all about it in Part One.
Not surprisingly, by viewing my husband in a negative light (even just some of the time) and allowing my behavior to be anything less than loving, our relationship had suffered. All that changed, though. He responded to the things I was doing differently and things just got better and better for us.
I didn’t tell him what I was doing during the time of this marriage “experiment.” I needed it to be just something within me, not including him. It was me who needed to change, after all, and it’s not fun to have someone watch you do that. I only spoke with him after some time had gone by. We were talking about our relationship and I confided in him what I had read and what I had done. He was truly blessed by it.
Once I saw such amazing changes occurring within myself, and in his responses to me, our relationship became top priority to me. I was excited and looked forward to the future with him. I had a renewed sense of hope. We were becoming happy again. I felt such need for him…need I had rarely been feeling before that. I was happy to be his wife and I wanted to be a blessing to him.
I decided to make a list of things that he enjoys, which pertain to me. I won’t share all of them but here are some of the highlights:
- Seeing me in a good mood when he comes home from work.
- Giving and receiving affection, in and out of the bedroom.
- Having things organized in the home.
- Enjoying homemade desserts.
- Having company over/hosting get-togethers.
- Hearing from me about special moments with the kids (that he missed while working).
- Seeing me in appealing attire
- Being flirted with.
- Being appreciated and thanked for things he does to help me.
I found that I really enjoyed making this kind of list (it’s quite a bit longer too!) because it helped me to see, even more clearly, the kind of man he is. The things that he enjoys are reasonable and not the least bit demanding. Why is it we’re taught that men are so demanding? They have needs. And so do we.
Doing the things on the list were not a challenge at all, I had just become so self-centered in the years prior, that I had stopped wanting to make him happy and had only been thinking about myself. I hadn’t wanted him to be UNhappy, but I didn’t feel motivated to go out of my way to make him happy…if that makes sense.
My goodness, look at the first one on the list! I am sorry to say that it was generally not the case before. Now, I am in a good mood and happy to see him 95% of the time! That other 5%? Well, you know – kids. They don’t always encourage the best mood.
Understanding took the place of resentment in my heart. I no longer felt irritated that I had to do so much work; all of a sudden, I had pride in my role as homemaker. I enjoyed caring for the house and doing so much for the children. I finally started appreciating how much work he does to support us, which allows for me to teach the children at home. I stopped comparing our workloads.
It IS possible to transform your marriage. We are living proof that a marriage in trouble can be changed into a marriage restored. ♥ ♥